Hi Ama

 Hi Ama

The single greatest tragedy of my life happened on this day

The very comfort of my soul and home of my love gone from this world

Thank You Ama

I love you Ama

I miss you Ama

You deserve to hear this from me

My childhood was filled with luxury of your love and warmth of your care that an ordinary home felt like a castle to me. Everyone I met will tell you story of my confidence and smiley face but only few knew that you are the reason behind. I have taken so much for granted and you have asked absolutely nothing in return but offered everything on the table for me. You forgot your existence to build the best life under heaven for me and you honestly achieved in doing that. I have developed a habit of running to school STD to ring you every time I couldn’t face life’s harsh truth or I want to boast about my small victories. You made me feel seen, known and remembered. I felt like I can rule the world without even taking a step outside. Your hands were present in every step of my life, so much so that a new pair of shoes in the winter or a chowmein in school canteen during break were result of your sweat and blood. I miss your handmade aloo momo and bhaktsa markhu. I was blessed with the best mom who single handedly raised me after leaving everything behind in Tibet. The old familiar life and every face you knew became a distant memories in order to provide a better life for me and brother. Only when I look back from where I stand now, I can see a glimpse of your sacrifice which is enough to make me cry like a baby. You were a lady of few words and strong action. You approached life humbly and fiercely at times when required with a single driven purpose of raising your kids to the fullest of your potential. I am beginning to realise and discover every unsaid message you left behind throughout your life by setting examples.I inherited my mother’s humble heart and sincere soul. The slow and steady test of time has somehow pushed me closer to my mother’s nature and how many of her advice suddenly started to make sense with each growing days. I have tremendous respect for women because of this amazing lady who guided me and I try to meet a mother in every woman I meet. I never shy away from sharing your story to true companions in life and you became a secret comfort within my soul. Your death became the single greatest tragedy of my life from which I will never fully recover because the loss was too far great for anything on earth to replace with. You are simply irreplaceable by any mortal or beyond. I failed to express my love for you with the low standard of my understanding when I was younger and you didn’t get the chance to hear me say how much I love you and you mean to me. I with every fiber of my being want to say that I miss you and I try to discover a piece of you in every person I meet. You left me right before I finished my final year in school and didn’t get the chance to see where I will land in life. You said that you have faith in me and I promised you few things. I have achieved most and still striving for more. One thing I clearly remember you telling me which became a core value of mine was that to never become a greedy person and to always love everyone equally. I have always centered my life’s direction with values you installed in me and I am proudly happy to say that I have become less heard on the streets but louder to people I interact with in real life. I speak your message through my existence and think of this world in your love. I am my mother’s son and her cute prince. You can say what you want but my mom will always enjoy seeing the reflection of her in me and I will forever whisper her story each time a stranger admire how I was raised. My mom to me is my true God and the one who offered me this life with blessing of what a genuine love and kindness can do to a human. Without Ma, there won’t be a tale of me and I would not have experienced the richness of life in healthy mind and body. 

Thank you Ama 

You are part of me and I am part of you

I have no intention of becoming an instrument of change or big name in this world but my ordinary life will forever echo the beauty of my Ama in a small corner of this world 🌎 

Bhu Dawa

Who am I?

 

I am collection of small defeats after small defeats

Jumping from one failure to another is my journey

I exist only in thoughts and feelings

Everything I give to this world is real

 

I stay true to my art like a mad artist

Craziness has been part of my genius

Tomorrow can be my last day

But so is today loud and very alive

 

Either my attention is on you or somewhere else

Half hearted is not my thing

Loving without fear is what defines my character

To be the last man standing in your rescue is my code

 

Who are we to judge one another

I follow my instinct and listen my experience

Today’s view of me can be wrong tomorrow

For we are all losers in life alone and insecure

 

I leave my mark here and there in shade

Just like a calm tree growing and fruiting

Aging is a reward that youth won’t understand

Life is somehow a picture we paint with our own story

Our old fathers

Our old fathers

Our old fathers fought hard to make this nation stand steady

Their boots are muddy with the blood of enemies and friends

Hoisting the nation’s flag high with pride in every war they enter

Keeping us safe from swords of those who thirst for our land

Yet they are the unsung heroes of our modern day stories

How many of their lives laid before enemies to quench our freedom?

Their blood flowing in our democracy till date and so on

Our running tongues inherit their heated debates to spark new ideas

I wonder how on earth the night is so silent and peaceful at my time

Ignoring the fact that my dear old fathers lived in the age of war

The dark sky filled with crows and cannon balls eating their flesh

And the unfamiliar battleground of piled corpses of their comrades

Holding the souvenirs of their loved ones each passing night

Wishing to make it to their home before their children grow older

Sad to hear the tales of how some of them died so poor in anguish

Abandoned and buried among others away from their longing homes

I am so soft and coward to hide myself in books with a pen

While they were tough and brave in their uniforms with a gun

They wrote the history while I read the history

We shall never forget who we are today is because of them

Dancing in the sky

I am wandering in those bubbles over my head

Picking up few dialogues and jumping on to the next

Which line should I choose to hit my feelings on you?

Even the Shakespeare in me fails to do so over again

Sometimes I was in heaven among beautiful flowers

Thinking of which to pluck in your name as a gift

I can come down to earth sliding on rainbow

And we shall meet under the beautiful sunset

It is true as the stars are saying in your dream

You will find me climbing on the ladder towards moon

Putting your beautiful picture in the frame of full moon

Watching my shy soul dance around you in the sky

Books

Books

Pick up a book and start to read
The first page is where you begin your first step
Your mind will walk on those words
And your heart will feel their beat

Your steady eye balls and your paused body
Your straight spine and your bend neck
Your silent mouth and your loud brain
Your usual you and your new you

Books are the house of treasures and souls
You will be in adventure and stories
It opens a way to reach the Deadman's voice
And hear the whispering wisdom to live wiser

Shakespeare is writing somewhere in your library
Einstein is thinking somewhere in your library
Socrates is discussing somewhere in your library
Where are you still wondering?

Do you feel like laughing and you can't?
Do you feel like winning and you can't?
Do you want to make money and you can't?
Do you want to change the world and you can't?

Books are orchestras that can play our emotions and feelings
Books are full of secrets that are left by champions
Books are simply the treasures that are ignored by fools
Books are the true master that will answer your questions
Books are the only compass that will locate your direction

Between these pages you will lost
Between these pages you will find
You will no longer be you after you read
You are more than you

This is life

This is life

First I was loved by everyone
As I am too cute and innocent
I am free to cry or shit on the street
All my mistakes are accepted
Then I joined school as I am bit grown up
I met many playmates of my age
I was loved by family and few others
Some older people started teaching me
Telling this is correct and that is incorrect
They wanted to see the correct me
I became less happy and more correct
But everyone around me were appreciating
Because I was good at being correct
Even my family was so proud of me
Years passed away with same story
I grew up taller and smarter
I started disobeying elders
As they sound too boring to me
I began breaking the rules
Where I met more friends of my age
They all surrounded me like a honey
I felt that life will go on with them
We shared jokes and fucked the question papers
Elders started to dislike me
I suddenly realize that there is love
I jumped all my interest on girls
My talents became tools of attraction
And stories grew more interesting
Sometimes I pictured those girls as everything
But turns out that all those fairytales are fake
And I felt deeply regretted and wanted to change
I realized that I am lost in this world
My family was there to give me a second chance
Honestly it has been so hard to push myself back
Sometimes there while sometimes here, it swings
I kept seeing different dramas as I move
This world became an unexplored mystery to me
So many people are telling me different things
I don't understand whom to listen
Even there are more than hundred different religions
I don't understand my beginning and my own ending
Is it for money, power, love or more than that?
The purpose of life is unknown and will always be
I became a man now and it is time to prove who I am
I have to choose a path that will write rest of the story
Will it turn out to be one of the best story ever as I dreamed?
It is fact that everyone see themselves as genius
Big or small but dream is what we all share in common
Only few are willing to risk everything to see the best of themselves
I am an honest young loving man when I first took a step
Sharing happiness with sincere motivation as my mom advised
And always feeling the need to change this world
Somehow I understood why this world is as it is
Because everyone applies their intelligence on each other
First I thought it is just a mistake but it never was
People understand that smiling is necessary to win
They fool your soul to feed them more
When I can't satisfy their need then
I will be ignored or even misinterpreted
Who truly cares about my dream?
Slowly, I am learning how to live a life
Just because you are pure and honest
Will never work out in the way you believe
People compete likes and followers on Instagram
Knowing that in real life they are alone
Girls you once thought cool are different
Their pics on social media will tell a different story
Hi and bye with your friends isn't normal
Love also became a bedroom game
This sucks the beauty of life that once exist
It will be a shame to marry one of them
But remember that this is life
You can't change everything
Nobody is wrong and never blame
This is why only few people are on top
Because you must get through them
To truly define that you are a tough dude
Remember that this is life
Everyone is having this same thought at some level
You just keep moving because you are not wrong
You are unique and know this
I and you are one of those crazy people
One day we will meet when we toast our success
Be a game changer and remember that
THIS IS LIFE

Telling the hidden stories

I kindly take this leisure time to put a voice and give light to those dying stories under the hidden shadow of this ignorant world. Let us remind to ourselves that each cunning minute is silently sweeping away their painful stories and making us feel picture perfect in our own realities. They could be us or our families and our dear friends but we never push ourselves harder until it comes to attack on us. Let this be an eye opening for those of us who have no sympathy and love to those left behind souls by our mistreatment and our isolation. I don’t know how powerful it can be and how much this simple dry words will be able to shed the blood they bleed or substitute the countless sufferings they are enduring. I wish their thoughts will find space to move between my lines and wish their feelings will reach beyond themselves through this simple piece of writing that I am doing in their names.

I don’t know which the perfect word is to begin with and I have no clue how I can narrate such an important stories with this weak language skill but my heart is purely beating on their feelings and so here it flows through my pen from different souls pushing out different stories.

It is me who you look down as a slum kid and hitting with one rupee coin with different murmurings but it is not my mistake to be in this situation because I was born this way. My mother don’t have milk to feed me as she barely gets her daily meal and I have no cloth to wear or a place to call home. The sun is smoking on my soft skin and the wind is ripping off my pale skin as if I am a tree with leaves. I look like Sharukh Khan when I was born but now I can’t recognize who I am. I am a human too but I can feel that some dogs are feeling prouder than I am with their protective hairy skin and their skillful tails to try their luck or their sniffing nose hearing the call of distant food. These dogs are capable of sleeping where I can’t and it makes my eyes fill with tears. I learned different skills on the street and I am sure that I am bright enough to become engineer or doctor but I have no school bag or got no future in this life because nobody is ready to listen what I am willing to do. I will eat what you throw and pick up what you throw and I live in your throw and I am a throw away child of God. I wish you could hear my prayer and at least smile to me next time when you see me. I don’t deserve such things for I have not sinned in this life. I will die too early because I eat your garbage and breathe your toxic gas near my slum place. I only think about surviving and I have no big dreams. In my dream, I am in a big house and eating KFC chicken and I don’t wish to open my eyes as it feels so real. One day I wish this will all be a bad dream and start a new beginning for me. I am a forsaken child of God and I wish he will accept me back in his arm. Please show me love.

I am bitch as they named it and I am no less than toy. I was born to a poor farmer in Nepal. 20 years ago our crops failed due to monsoon wind where we lost our livelihood and my father sold me to one of our villagers without my mother’s permission. Our village aunty told my family that I will work for a rich family and told me about city life but as soon as I arrived New Delhi then I am nothing but a sold out kid for sex slave. I lost my virginity at the age of 12 from a man of 80 years old without my knowledge as I am not being obedient to them and they drugged me in my juice to knock me out unconscious. For the first one month, I have no rest and if I don’t listen then they put red chilly in my vagina. I spent my day in dark room and I am only activated at night. They were other young girls but none of them are courageous enough to speak up. I found out why as those who rebel them will face death or worse in some case. They dug a hole at the back of our garden to bury those dead ones without our knowledge. We are not given sex education and we are checked secretly once a month. I came to know that I am AIDS patient soon and they kicked me out. I lost my hope and all I know is to shout out to man’s face that I am good but I am losing my beauty and becoming a dead meat. I am standing up to fight for those whose fate still lies in the hand of society and I hope you won’t treat us as animal because none of us are here willingly. I am sure my mother will commit suicide if she knows that I faced such assaults. I have done living my life as whore but I consider myself as victim of social inhumane. I want to fall in love and have a baby but I can’t. I want to go out for a date but all are not real. They give me call for only one reason. Millions of girls are trading every year for sex labour. You can safe them and please next time speak up for them. When you become a parent then don’t sell your kid or don’t let your kid fall on this path.

Hi dude,

I am a drug addict who lives in an animal cage but my story has a different beginning. I look super cool and I am known as lady killer in school. I have all the things I need including many friends but things turned upside down since the day I came in contact with drugs for the first time in my life. I am favorite kid from our whole family and I misused my pocket money to buy some drugs after school with friends I met in toilet. It was not so long ago when I gained the habit of smoking cigarrate and I think it was in class seven but soon I was introduced to marijuana by my bad friends for more pleasure. I started tasting once a week then to twice and thrice then soon I started to realize that I have no control over myself but only could remind myself that this will be the last time while there isn’t have any last time. You show me your friends and I will show you your future. I was caught several times by teachers but I try to hide this from my family. I live in school hostel and one day I was caught by our head master where they held a meeting and warned me but I can’t stop it that easily by their few kind words. I ran out of money and use to steal, cheat or even beat kids for more drugs. I have no friends in real life. I started to fail in exams and I am no longer the favorite one in home. I look slim and ugly and girls started to show demand on me. When I was in class nine, I was suspended for few months from school. My parents were shocked and cried a lot. I told to myself that this time I am going to stop but as soon as I started spending more time with new friends in outside world then I don’t feel like returning back to school. I met few stronger drugs and drinking alcohol became a new additional habit to me. My family send me back to school after few months hoping that I can control better as they lost hope on me. They felt that I no longer deserve their love but they can’t stop loving me. The first week was bit hard on me but I imitated my best to show that I am changed but my true color appeared slowly as time pass by. My situation became out of control and school has no option but to send me back to home or for treatment. It is when my parents agreed to send me to a rehab center but truthfully speaking it was living hell there as I was put in a small room with people challenging my condition. So sometimes I acted dead or sometimes I scream for help but seems like no one hears me. They only feed me and teach me some lessons. I started to hear other stories too. Many of these people present here have lost their social status and dignity, even lost some of their dearest souls in the process. I felt myself useful again while we are sharing our thoughts. We started to build our will power and inner strength is our only medicine to cure this disease. I call my addiction a disease but society treat us like criminal. If they saw us on the street then they will bully us for no reasons. I don’t feel ready to go back to join in society again. I fear my discrimination and even the government can’t solve our problem though all it takes for them is to change their policy. Young people are ruining their lives due to addiction. I spent 3 years till my complete recovery but this had never been an easy journey. I still carry that disease within me and it is ready to attack me if I let it rule my mind. I am living sober but I can’t close my eyes as if nothing has happened. I fear that others might know my past or sometimes I fear I might get back into that old unwanted life. I need social support to put myself back again and I want my family to feel that I am worthy of every single love they are giving to me. I just need a second chance. Some of my friends died in front of my eyes and some of their parents went insane after knowing the reality that is facing by their only child. It can all have a better ending if we accept to love them instead of isolating them. I am not saying that I am a good boy but I am no less than you. My mother died few months back due to heart attack and it is all my fault. My father is angry with me but I am convincing him to love me. I am making new friends but sometimes when I feel like I am not accepting back by society that is when I feel like worshiping drugs or feel like committing suicide. I sincerely wish you to show pity on drug addicted people because they too want to quit but this disease is killing them inside. Your support will bring them back to life.